Ode to Houdini

With my most sincere apologies to Dr. Suess...


A friend called tonight, a voice in despair,
"I've looked and looked, but this just isn't fair."
"You still can't find him?" I said, "Your friend, your pet?"
"My turtle is missing", she said. " I haven't found him yet."

"I checked upstairs already, last night and just now!"
"I gave him a larger tank and he escaped again! How?"
"That doesn't matter ", I said " Escape, he did"
"We need to find him now, and then get a better lid."

There was a witness to the escape, a Mr. Quill, he's the cat,
He probably saw a running turtle, but he just looked, and sat.
Oh, he could have helped us, slapped the turtle like a puck,
But no, he did nothing. Mr Quill, you suck.

Because he was a turtle, we simply looked on the floor,
A snake or a lizard? We would have to check more.
Furniture and pianos, we had to check under them all.
Behinds the doors and in closets, in the bedroom and the hall.

Like the Boreal Owl of the north, as some birders know,
They never choose the same roosting spot, two days in a row.
So the upstairs was checked and again checked some more,
In the rooms we had cleared? We just closed the door.

Now he can't hide in spot "A" and then move to spot "B",
Once a spot is cleared, he has to move on to "C",
But if we eliminate from the mix, that location, the "C" spot,
He will run out of chances, and a turtle we've got.

"Think like a turtle", I knew that would be key,
Tough as they seem, they are really cowardly, you see.
In the wild, they don't want to fight, they're easy to scare,
Where could he dive to safety? The basement stair.

With the upstairs cleared, as best as we could, anyway,
I opted to head down the steps, to the basement, I say.
Rolling down the steps, can he survive, so dinky?
Of course he can, he's a rolling turtle, just like a Slinky!

I checked behind the bar, under cabinets and the rug,
So many places to hide, so many locations, so snug,
The main room was cleared, only two left to do,
A spare room and the laundry room (with Mr Quill's pooh).

I opted for the spare bedroom, lots of places to hide,
I moved boxes and pictures, my flashlight my guide.
A disturbance in the Force, and some clothes at my feet,
"You better check there" I thought, a hiding place so neat.

I pulled aside the clothes, and there he sat, so dry,
Very much alive and well, with cat hairs in his eye.
After a good scolding, and a rinse, he was returned to his tank,
We're lucky we found him, we have knowledge to thank.

So the turtle was A.W.O.L., for 48 hours or so,
Had the run of the house, and his owner on the go.
He said "I'll escape! You wont know how! You'll never find me!"
And thus he earned his title - a turtle named Houdini.