Soap Operas

A few days ago, I took the chance to head to the Park and catch up on my favorite soap opera.  While this season is not complete, you might think of it as being in syndication - its play out over and over year after year...

 

While lots of characters can be found in this morning-time soap (as opposed to television day-time soaps - those all suck), you basically have the guys and the gals. Afterall, it is a soap opera.  What else should you have? 

 

Anyhow, here is one of those characters now.  Lets call him John Red-winged Blackbird.  (Maybe he hyphenated his middle name so he can be cool or something...)

My picture shows him doing his thing - singing and flashing that red.  While most people seem to think that he does that to impress the chicks, that is simply not true.  He does it to scare off the other dudes so he can get the best territories. Without the red, he can't get much done and his real estate basically sucks.   (One researcher colored over the red patches with a black marker. It was kind of like taking away the biceps from those clowns we all remember from college.) 

 

After a month of this "My red is better than your red!", the babes show up.  I don't have a good photo of female, but here is one.  Here, too. 

 

So I already said she is not interested in the John's red. What is her game?  G-o-l-d-i-g-g-e-r.  It is all about his property. Forget his colors. Forget his song.  She pays attention to his turf.  She also, believe it or not, pays attention to the turf of his neighbor. She gets around. Studies have show that the children are actually half-brothers and sisters. 

 

Now before you think all woman are horrible in this scenario, keep in mind that the dudes aren't exactly innocent.  I'll bet you can see where this going.......

 

Yup. Mistresses.

 

A review might be needed.  

 

John, Bill, and Mike all show off their wares (use your imagination as you see fit).  (Also, please note that I am from a different generation.  Using modern names, they would be Cody, Hunter, and Cameron.  Anyhow, I digress....)  John shows off better than Bill and Mike. They cave and John gets the $500,000 house.  Mike and Bill each get the $250,000 houses on the same street.

 

Joan shows up and hooks up wih John. She has kids but tests show that Bill, the neighbor, is the dad to half of the them. Meanwhile, unknown to Joan, John has Jill sleeping in the guest house.  Little does John know that half of Jill's kids aren't his - they're Mike's. 

 

There goes my mini-scnenario with four names.  Imagine now a marsh with dozens of Toms, Johns, Bills, Daves,Jills, Carols, Dianes, and the like.  Absolute craziness.

 

Why do you need "General Hospital" when you can have "Cattail Marshes"?